You know you're a cop if...

1) You have the bladder capacity of five people.2) You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.3) You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.4) Your ideaof a good time is a "man with a gun"call.5) You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towardsyou.6) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.7) You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.8) You have your weekends off planned for a year.9) You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.10) You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it'slocated.11) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting itright the first time."12) You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughinguncontrollably.13) You think caffeine should be available in IV form.14) You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blowmore than a .1515) You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.16) Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people outthere and you are here messing with me."17) People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strangeplaces...and you know where it's located.18) You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner whilestanding over a dead body.19) You are the only personintroduced at social gatherings by profession. (ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH)20) You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to grab theirbuddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."21) You do not see daylight from November until May.22) People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and thinkthey're being hugely funny and original.23) A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, and5 pairs of underwear.24) You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my Friday".25) You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.26) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy,it sure is quiet tonight."27) Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.28) You find humor in other people's stupidity.29) You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten.30) You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are too tight".